My life is over!

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Posted by IMG from IP on April 09, 2010 at 22:03:45:

Hi every one, please don't be scared I'm not going to commit suicide or anything like that but I feel so depressed and sooooooooo down, I believe I hit bottom and don't know when I'm going up again, like most of you guys but I am an old IMG graduated 20 years ago, left my country and immigrated to Canada with my husband who is an IMG too, because I had 3 little kids and very little money to spend on exams and for living,
my husband and I couldn't afford to study both for the exams so we decided for him to go first and when he get in I'll follow him, that was the plan, 7 years ago, he finished his residency program and started his work in too many different places because we needed that much money to get red or our huge debts and so on,
we bought a house a very nice cars, it looks like we had it all, right...

well what happened was completely the opposite, the kids became teenagers and what I was hoped for my tearn to come never happened, I started to study for my exams, my celebration for my success of passing the first one didn't last long because my kids scores at school started to deteriorate, they started to have some bad influences from some bad kids at school and so on,
because my husband is working like crazy, I am the only one available to take care not only about every thing related to him from going to the banks and dealing with accouters paying bills, take care of the house, shopping....but I have to keep my eyes open around my kids, talk to them build a kind of communication routes so I can help them in case of something bad happed and of course help them in their homeworks, school projects and so on with no appreciation what so ever from anyone.
I started to get jealous from everyone around me and around my husband, I started to get sooo jealous even from his work and started to get disgusted to my stomach each time he talks about it, I started to get sooo jealous of all the female doctors he is dealing with, I feel like I am a looser when he talk about them especially if complements any one of them as a "hard working doctor",
our relationship start to take very bad shape and very miserable right now, I believe we are on the edge to separate but because of financial reason and of course the kids we are still holding on but not sure for how long "or short" will last before we do it,
I am sooooooo sad, I feel I lost every thing, my life, my career, my self, I am not young anymore and don't know exactly when "if ever" will have the time for my self, and if that happened and because of my age( I am almost fifty) after passing all those tests, I don't know if they will ever accepted me in any program and what will happened to my kids if I decided to give it a try???????
I just needed someone to open up to someone who can listen to me, I have no family member here to let my feeling out to, the only friend I can trust to talk to got sick and tired from my complained so I decided to give her a break and keep it all to myself.
Thank you guys for gave me that chance to open up to you and share this with you.

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